# Stubby Malone 500 race results



## neorules (Oct 20, 2006)

The 1st Stubby Malone 500 Race was held at NEW Hobby Store on Sat. Feb. 4th. Racers from Illinois,Minnesota and Wi. were present to battle for the first prize of 500 Dimes in Honor of the Stubby Malone Ideal currency philosophy. More on that later. Classes that were run were The M-tech Series II plus cars and HOPRA super stock. First up was the M-tech beasts. !6 equally prepared hardbody Corvette cars were used. Each driver drew a number and raced the car drawn. All cars were witin a tenth of a second of each other, so it was going to come down to Knowing the track,pushing the car to its limit and racing Luck. Practice cars were provided as well, but The out of towners were using this race to get the feel of the very difficult 90 foot Slade Brown Built White track that currently resides At New Hobby. After a 2 min. per lane round robin the A,B and C mains were set. 3 min per lane mains were run.

The C main race had a very close finish for first with under a lap detemining the win. Results were:

1st--Steve I don't have a handle yet Baeder---102 laps 18 sections
2nd --Anthony Nipples Dorzak------ 101 laps 69 sections
3rd--Jt from out of nowhere Thompson 99 laps 15 sections
4th--Jessop the Rookie Dietrich---84 laps 49 sections

The B Main was a four man 1 woman Race with some close finishes for 1st and third.

1st--Rod I can drive anything with magnets Briewieck-- 119 laps 87 sections
2nd-- Bill just don't come out Macy -- 118 laps 17 sections
3rd--Jimmy slow is fast McKinney-- 112 laps 39 sections
4th--Jenny Stealth bomber Bacovsky--111 laps 14 sections
5th--Evil almost Knievel Barner--103 laps 8 sections

The A main was partly a Race of knowing the track and just pushing the crap out of these hardbody machines. When the dust setlled the results were:

1st-- Bob everything is Ball bearins nowadays Colleran-- 143 laps 10 sections
2nd--Aaron my car aint countin' Bacovsky-- 133 laps 17 sections
3rd -- Tom what did I forget now Kirchen-- 125 laps 16 sections
4th-- Norm I never met a gutter I didn't like Gardner--124 laps 79 sections
5th-- Greg I hope my car doesn't break Sauve-- 116 laps 26 sections


Overall For M-tech Results:

1st-- Bob everything is Ball bearins nowadays Colleran-- 143 laps 10 sections
2nd--Aaron my car aint countin' Bacovsky-- 133 laps 17 sections
3rd -- Tom what did I forget now Kirchen-- 125 laps 16 sections
4th-- Norm I never met a gutter I didn't like Gardner--124 laps 79 sections
5th--Rod I can drive anything with magnets Briewieck-- 119 laps 87 sections
6th-- Bill just don't come out Macy -- 118 laps 17 sections
7th-- Greg I hope my car doesn't break Sauve-- 116 laps 26 sections
8th--Jimmy slow is fast McKinney-- 112 laps 39 sections
9th--Jenny Stealth bomber Bacovsky--111 laps 14 sections
10th--Evil almost Knievel Barner--103 laps 8 sections
11th--Steve I don't have a handle yet Baeder---102 laps 18 sections
12th --Anthony Nipples Dorzak------ 101 laps 69 sections
13th--Jt from out of nowhere Thompson 99 laps 15 sections
14th--Jessop the Rookie Dietrich---84 laps 49 sections

Up next was the Hopra Super stock ruled race-- It looked to be a good race with eveyone getting a little better handle on the track to cut into the HTA (Home track advantage) the locals enjoyed in the first. Also I Noticed Norm looking at the stack of dimes with a gleam in his Eye, thinking about all the White castle burgers they could bring. We knew he was ready to bring it and the Mn Guys had well sorted SS cars that had won previous races. So everyone went into the 2 Min Round robin with a fresh start. They were to be followed by the 3 MINUTE MAINS. We had a couple guys leave early so we ran 2, 6 racer Mains. Here'sa how it all came out.

B main-- Greg and Jimmy Battled to the end Greg won it by a lap. We suspect Greg sent a well placed Flatulence cloud Jimmy's way to insure the victory. Hey Jimmy- your eyes waterin' at the end was no accident my friend. Results were:

1st-- Greg I hope my car doesn't break Sauve 107 laps 72 sections
2nd-- Jimmy slow is fast Mckinney--106 laps 76 sections
3rd-- Jenny Stealth Bomber Bacovsky--99 laps 0 sections
4th--Anthony Nipples Dorzak--95 laps 78 sections
5th-- Jt from out of nowhere Thompson 91 laps 19 sections
6th-- Jessop The Rookie Dietrich--82 laps 27 sections

A Main--Norm definitely ran like he used White Castle grease on his gears but he was about 5 laps down for first at the end, but 5 laps up on third. Norm needed a little more adjustment time to the new driver station positions to assume his usual mastery of the Slade Brown Creation. Some of the local up and coming racers did well in the Main to compete with the veterans. Here's how it all shook out:

1st-- Bob everything is Ball bearins nowadays Colleran-- 124 laps 60 sections
2nd-- Norm I never met a gutter I didn't like Gardner-- 119 laps 52 sections
3rd--Bill just don't come out Macy -- 114 laps 39 sections
4th--Tom what did I forget now Kirchen-- 111 laps 71 sections
5th----Aaron my car aint countin' Bacovsky--111 laps 6 sections
6th--Rod I can drive anything with magnets Briewieck--106 laps 72 sections

Overall Results

1st-- Bob everything is Ball bearins nowadays Colleran-- 124 laps 60 sections
2nd-- Norm I never met a gutter I didn't like Gardner-- 119 laps 52 sections
3rd--Bill just don't come out Macy -- 114 laps 39 sections
4th--Tom what did I forget now Kirchen-- 111 laps 71 sections
5th----Aaron my car aint countin' Bacovsky--111 laps 6 sections
6th--- Greg I hope my car doesn't break Sauve 107 laps 72 sections
7th--Jimmy slow is fast Mckinney--106 laps 76 sections
8th----Rod I can drive anything with magnets Briewieck--106 laps 72 sections
9th-- Jenny Stealth Bomber Bacovsky--99 laps 0 sections
10th--Anthony Nipples Dorzak--95 laps 78 sections
11th-- Jt from out of nowhere Thompson 91 laps 19 sections
12th-- Jessop The Rookie Dietrich--82 laps 27 sections


We decided that the best finish in each race added together would determine who had the lowest total and be the winner of the stack of Dimes. Bob was out of contention due to his dime allergy, so it came down to Norm and Aaron who tied for the win each with a 2nd and a 4th for a 6 total. They decided to split the stash so Norm could be in semi-nirvana at square burgerland. Aaron generously donated his share to the outoftowners to cut the gas bill as much as possible. In the end we had a Great Time with Good food(Jimmy Johns) and made new friends all around. Thanks go out to AAron and Jenny for use of the track and store. AAron and Anthony for Pit exspansion efforts. Jenny for keeping totals up to date and legible, also for helping out everywhere. Scott Bam at the end of the Straight Johnson for painting the fluorescent bodies and getting the whole store high on fumes on Friday. All racers for good sportmanship and making the effort to attend. Stubby and I appreciate it.

Now onto Stubby-- Stubby Malone was Probably the greatest HO Racer who ever lived. He would be considered in most circles an extreme eccentric, maybe thats what made him so good. Whenever anyone would question his racing credentials he would always respond with this and I quote " I have never been beaten By Porcelli or Beedle can You say that?" His take on Worldwide economy was simple-- The only currency that should be used Is DIMES. He felt it was the most efficient currency ever made. Small, light everyone can divide by ten He'd say. Also, if everything had to be paid with dimes it would certainly keep prices down and control inflation. You couldn't argue with that kind of logic. Stubby was always coming up with wise Sayings Like: If Ya Aint cheatin, well then yer playin Fair. Others were more philisophical. For example: If you got Hope in one hand and sh!t in the other-- well then I hope you like sh!t. Wise stuff like that.
When it came to racing tips he was always ready to hand out seasoned advice. For example: He'd say " whenever anyone is ridin" yer a$$ on the track trying to pass ya, ya know what ya do-- Just clench your a$$cheeks together just as hard as ya can and there's no way they can penetrate that type of defense. Whenever you'd try to pass him he'd be clenchin away as hard as he could and ya know it worked almost all the time. If by some miracle you'd pass him He'd say " see what ya did, now you're behind me again. " That way he'd never have to stop clenchin" We figured he picked up the technique during the stint he spent in prison and it just kind of became a habit. After all it was hard to argue with that kind of logic. The last time anyone saw Stubby was when some racers delivered some cars for him to repair. They said it was kind of a strange experience. They knocked on his door-- he yelled just leave the cars outside the door. They peeked in the window and Stubby was just sittin' in his recliner-- Naked-- wearing only a hand puppet. As they left, the last words they heard was the hand puppet exclaiming " Do I have to Wrestle the Snake again? " They found the Stubbster the next day Dead In his chair, with a big smile on his face. The cars never got fixed. RIP Stubby, Next year the race will be bigger and Better!!


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## eastside johnny (May 13, 2008)

Bob, Outstanding race report/story!:thumbsup:
Sounds like it was a good time


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