# Saying Goodbye



## The-Nightsky (May 10, 2005)

Its been awhile since I've posted and many of you may not know me but i have been on this board since The original Polar Lights days. 
This hobby and my obsession for it almost cost me my family.while I thought my wife was being supportave of my hobby and encouraging me she was taking advantage of the time i was in the garage.Spending her time on myspace making a new friend......I had an idea......she finaly told me after she found out that i had been conversing with an old friend (female but just and only a friend.we grew up together....Anyway I love this woman and she has done much more for my kids than their mother EVER has,we all make mistakes and were trying to make things work.So I am leaving th Hobby. I am going to post a list on swap n ell and Im selling all but a couple of models. good prices actual shipping
Thank you all for years of enjoyment. espescialy you John Payne. A true Artist(no sarcasm this time)
:wave::wave::thumbsup:
I will miss all of you.I bid you farewell . Good luck God bless and may life take you where you need to be.Bryan Bennett


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## Cloudminder (Mar 4, 2009)

We'll miss you. Good luck!


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## wolfman66 (Feb 18, 2006)

Bryan going to miss ya on the board here my friend and stop in from time to time


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## aurora fan (Jan 18, 1999)

I understand you have to do what you have to do. I've gone through my fair share of relationship issues and have left the hobby a few times to refocus only to come back again. I hope all works out well for you, as it has for me.


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## Auroranut (Jan 12, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear this Bryan.
I wish you nothing but the very best in life and I hope you can find a way to come back to the hobby and Hobbytalk soon.
You'll be missed mate.....

Chris.


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## the Dabbler (Feb 17, 2005)

Couldn't you just put the hobby on hold for a while until you straighten things out. Take a little time to think it out. We'd all hate to see you actually leave forever.
Whatever you decide, we wish you all the best and stop by often if you can.


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## The-Nightsky (May 10, 2005)

looks like I still wont get that Moonbus....LOl!
I'll stop n visit from time to time. Thanks all for the well wishes.


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## dreamer 2.0 (May 11, 2007)

Do what you have to, I wish you well. You'll be missed here.


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## MightyMax (Jan 21, 2000)

Take Care,
When things get made right, if you feel like stoppin by please do!

take Care

Max Bryant


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## sprayray (May 13, 2009)

Sorry to hear God Bless and do what's right and what you feel in your heart.


Robert.


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## deadmanincfan (Mar 11, 2008)

I haven't been here as long as some of the guys, but I've always enjoyed your work, Bryan. Take care of yourself...hope things work out well for you...and I hope to see your work here again in the future.


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## bizzarobrian (Oct 4, 2009)

The-Nightsky said:


> Its been awhile since I've posted and many of you may not know me but i have been on this board since The original Polar Lights days.
> This hobby and my obsession for it almost cost me my family.while I thought my wife was being supportave of my hobby and encouraging me she was taking advantage of the time i was in the garage.Spending her time on myspace making a new friend......I had an idea......she finaly told me after she found out that i had been conversing with an old friend (female but just and only a friend.we grew up together....Anyway I love this woman and she has done much more for my kids than their mother EVER has,we all make mistakes and were trying to make things work.So I am leaving th Hobby. I am going to post a list on swap n ell and Im selling all but a couple of models. good prices actual shipping
> Thank you all for years of enjoyment. espescialy you John Payne. A true Artist(no sarcasm this time)
> :wave::wave::thumbsup:
> I will miss all of you.I bid you farewell . Good luck God bless and may life take you where you need to be.Bryan Bennett


I experienced that same thing Bro but now I`m with a great lady that understands.She also understands me having female friends.I wish you the best.


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## bizzarobrian (Oct 4, 2009)

bizzarobrian said:


> I experienced that same thing Bro but now I`m with a great lady that understands.She also understands me having female friends.I wish you the best.


Great relationships are based on trust.If it`s not there......bail!


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## Zorro (Jun 22, 1999)

Yeah. Sorry, but from what you've related here it's not gonna' matter _what_ you do - this relationship is doomed unless _she_ changes her way of thinking. Just sayin'.


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## Zathros (Dec 21, 2000)

*I wish you the very best,and I hope it works out for you, nightsky....

That said...I cant and never will understand how some wives can be so "emotionally possesive" of thier mates time, and resentment of any hobby he may have..my late wife always supported my hobbies and interests, and I sometimes overdid it, but always corrected it as well..
in my opinion, these wives need to understand that any hobby is part of who thier guy is, and what they like to do...
of course a hobby is defined as "a spare time " endeavor..and that spare time should be split evenly between the hobby and ones mate 
to keep any relationship healthy..but so many I know, I have seen, thier wives just hate thier hobby...however when they are dating, everythings FINE.."ohh what a nice hobby, dear.." once the rings on, and both are under the same roof:...."well I never really liked it, I just said that for YOU.."..my advice to anyone, is to make sure you find out before any commitment that your prospective mate tells the truth about how she feels about your hobby before solidfying it, and of course not overdoing it..

a quick anectodal story:

my ex wife ( one I married after a split with may late wife whom I reconciled with some years later...lol..a long story) was home when a customer from Germany came to purchase a rare collectable record 
I found by chance.. He took it upon himself to leaf through my entire 78 collection..and offered me $15,000 for it..I told him it wasnt for sale...he upped it $5,000 more..( I spent 15 years accumulating it) ..I still told him no..she had a VERY good job, as did I at the time..it wasn't a question that we needed the money.
I saw how her heart rate went up as she was looking at me..in anticipation of getting all this loot..he left and she went nuts. "WHY didnt you sell it??"!! " I replied : "I had these long before you..how about if I sell YOU instead?..these arent our records ..these are my records, I had them before you, and I will have them after you if necessary"...her reply was "they have been around for years ..they are an eyesore"! " ( they were neatly arranged on bookshelves, in my den, and NEVER in her way) I replied "well you have been around for years, and YOU are an eyesore"..my daughter spit the soda she was drinking all over the table...but when we were dating : "ohh..all these great historical music records..! what a nice hobby"..."..
I learned my lesson, and I guess that's why she became an "ex"... 

Z
*


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## djnick66 (May 2, 2008)

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do... but do it for the right reasons and not to appease someone who can never be appeased. Some people will use anything as an excuse or as a lever against their partner. If its not a hobby its something else. Usually you learn that lesson AFTER you gave something important up for them, and with that issue out of the way, they come up with another... Pretty soon you have nothing left, but crappy relationship.

In my second marriage, I actually got my wife involved in modelling. She found things she liked, worked on them at her own pace, in her own way, but it was still something we could do together. By the same token, she was really into a lot of craft stuff, scrap booking, etc., and I learned to do some of that as well. I found a niche there where i actually enjoyed some of the stuff, and, again, it was something we could do together.

I see so many people in my shop who are held firmly in check by the short hairs, by their unsupportive spouses. I had two customers who actually earned the nicknames Hen Peck Man 1 and Hen Peck Man 2. HPM1 had to buy $1.29 jars of Testors paint with a debit card so his fiancee could see what he spent?!?! HPM2 was an IPMS contest, award winning modeller who's wife made him throw out his kit stash, dumped his compressor and airbrush in an old outdoor shed, and would have a fit if he bought a new kit. He did buy a kit from my shop, but I had to put on a fake price tag and make up a bogus ticket to hide the fact that he bought a kit for, gasp... $20... These people aren't poor either. Good clothes, nice cars, probably have nice double income homes...


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## Matthew Green (Nov 12, 2000)

I would divorce my wife in a heartbeat if she laid down the law with me...Men are the head of the household not women. I play with my action figures even at my age and would not deal with my wife telling me otherwise.


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## Zathros (Dec 21, 2000)

Matthew Green said:


> I would divorce my wife in a heartbeat if she laid down the law with me...Men are the head of the household not women. I play with my action figures even at my age and would not deal with my wife telling me otherwise.


*well, Matthew, thats one thing we are in agreement on...however , I dont believe there is any "head of the house" in any relationship or marraige.I..But to me, a relationship or marraige is NOT "subjugation"...its an equal partnership...neither partner has the right to order the other what to do in thier spare time, aside of anything that would compromise the partnership...


Z
*


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## bizzarobrian (Oct 4, 2009)

djnick66 said:


> Ya gotta do what ya gotta do... but do it for the right reasons and not to appease someone who can never be appeased. Some people will use anything as an excuse or as a lever against their partner. If its not a hobby its something else. Usually you learn that lesson AFTER you gave something important up for them, and with that issue out of the way, they come up with another... Pretty soon you have nothing left, but crappy relationship.
> 
> In my second marriage, I actually got my wife involved in modelling. She found things she liked, worked on them at her own pace, in her own way, but it was still something we could do together. By the same token, she was really into a lot of craft stuff, scrap booking, etc., and I learned to do some of that as well. I found a niche there where i actually enjoyed some of the stuff, and, again, it was something we could do together.
> 
> I see so many people in my shop who are held firmly in check by the short hairs, by their unsupportive spouses. I had two customers who actually earned the nicknames Hen Peck Man 1 and Hen Peck Man 2. HPM1 had to buy $1.29 jars of Testors paint with a debit card so his fiancee could see what he spent?!?! HPM2 was an IPMS contest, award winning modeller who's wife made him throw out his kit stash, dumped his compressor and airbrush in an old outdoor shed, and would have a fit if he bought a new kit. He did buy a kit from my shop, but I had to put on a fake price tag and make up a bogus ticket to hide the fact that he bought a kit for, gasp... $20... These people aren't poor either. Good clothes, nice cars, probably have nice double income homes...


There`s a lot worse things a guy could be doing with money.Drinking,collecting porn,drugs,gambling, just to name a few.Winter is tough on everyone.Everyone should have a hobby.


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## bizzarobrian (Oct 4, 2009)

Zathros said:


> *well, Matthew, thats one thing we are in agreement on...however , I dont believe there is any "head of the house" in any relationship or marraige.I..But to me, a relationship or marraige is NOT "subjugation"...its an equal partnership...neither partner has the right to order the other what to do in thier spare time, aside of anything that would compromise the partnership...
> 
> 
> Z
> *


You can still do your hobbies together.It doesn`t have to be a shared interest.My girlfriend loves to read so while I`m working on something she is reading & we can still talk.Everyone has to have an outlet.


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## Marko (Jul 11, 2002)

Good Luck, NightSky! Take care and I wish you many happy days!!


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## deadmanincfan (Mar 11, 2008)

...it makes me sad that a hobby that brings so many of us joy can also wind up causing so much strife and pain...


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## Ace Airspeed (May 16, 2010)

Really sorry to hear this, Nightsky............................

I went through the same thing one marriage ago.......................my hobby was taking away from "our time"....................when I really wasn't taking much time away from the wife at all. 

Not to be an ass, but that whole "female friend" issue, coupled with you shutting down the hobby under duress sends a red flag..............................she's looking for *CONTROL*.....................

I hope you can sort things out well for both parties concerned.


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## Heavens Eagle (Jun 30, 2003)

Just a word of advice. Take it or leave it as see fit.
While you were in the garage enjoying your craft/hobby you were still being good and doing the right thing.

I have been married twice and was always true to my spouse. There were opportunities while married the first time to not be, but in my heart I could not do so. Marriage is work and it is daily work. However a person has to be loyal and devoted from the inside out. It isn't possible to force it from the outside in. So, saying that, I respect your decision to change where your priorities are and to devote more time to your marriage. This is a good thing. Just don't throw ALL your hobby away such that you will regret it later. Everything in it's place and time. I am single now since my second wife passed away and have not met anyone with the right values yet. While I went thru one divorce and a second marriage, I did not totally pitch my hobby stuff away. I put it away and stored it for another time. Today many of the kits I have are VERY collectable! I am so glad I still have them. I have also added to the collection over the last few years even though I have not been building.

Now that I am going back into the building phase, I am so so very glad I kept all of that stuff. There have been difficulties with getting started again, but it will be worth it once done.

As to relationships, if there is a desire, or even the value set that will allow a person to "run around", there is nothing you will be able to do to "fix" the situation. Devotion to another is either there or not. It is nothing you can earn or build. As to your hobby I would suggest pack it up and take it off the stove as you are doing. Pack it away for another day for there most likely will be another day. If you totally get rid of all your hobby stuff to appease your wife, eventually you will resent it. Put it aside for now. You can always get rid of it later if it works out to that.

You might seriously regret getting rid of everything if things do fall apart with your spouse. "I DO HOPE IT DOES WORK OUT!" Experience and observation of other relationships has shown me that people have to want to be together and loyal. One person alone won't work.

I wish the best for you. Touch base with us down the road & tell us how you are doing!


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## MadCap Romanian (Oct 29, 2005)

Yes! It would be a shame for you to leave. Like Heaven's Eagle said, it's not YOU who is in the wrong. 

do come back once you get things sorted out.


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## bert model maker (Feb 19, 2002)

You will be missed NightSky, As an old timer myself,I have enjoyed your posts over the many years we have been on HobbyTalk, WOW ! where did the time go ? Please don't stay away forever !!!!
Bert
Model Maker


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## mcdougall (Oct 28, 2007)

MadCap Romanian said:


> Yes! It would be a shame for you to leave. Like Heaven's Eagle said, it's not YOU who is in the wrong.
> 
> do come back once you get things sorted out.


Agreed....Hmmmm lets see.... you work hard for a living and have a hobby that keeps you at home after work....I know many guys who after a hard day at work head straight to Hooters and then the Casino with all to show is a hangover and $150.00 DOWN THE TOILET (literally)
Yeah I think your wife is making a mistake...
Don't sell your kits...you WILL regret it down the road... But DO let her read these replies...
Stick around man:thumbsup:
Mcdee


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## Chinxy (May 23, 2003)

Nightsky - I feel for ya man! I have to tell ya that you must do what you feel is right, but don't do something that you will regret later down the road. About three years ago I was right in the same spot kind of. My wife and I are almost 50 - I'm 48, she's 49 and she went through medipause (still). Now it didn't help when at the time I was going through a rough time in my life. And at the time for about 5 months I took it out on her which was wrong. So with everything happening to her she flipped out! She felt that she no longer loved me and wanted a devoirce. Now the guys here on the board and also my model buddies at Wonderfest along with my biker friends helped me. I did not want the devoirce so I got help. She got help too. One of the things that came up was my hobby. Too much time and money in it. So at first I was going to sell everything! Well now I'm glad I didn't. I just put it on the side and didn't work or buy anything for over a year! And then when I had the motorcycle accident that was another 5 months gone with no building. But as time went on and things got better at the end of 08 I started building again. My first kit was Big Frankie! Now when my wife went on med's she got better and started going back to her old self. Now things are good and I even talked to her about what you said. My wife said that everybody needs some time alone without the other just to have a break and not drive each other crazy! She has her scrapebooking and I have my models.
So all I'm saying is this! Put it away for now. Give it a year to work on your marriage. If you two do love each other then with work it will work out. Or if there are other reasons that you don't know yet then when all settles down you will still have your hobby which you can always start building again. So just think things through. 
Remember - you have to be true to yourself. Don't try to be someone else to try to make the other one happy because that never works. You are what you are!

Sorry for the long story!:drunk:
Chinxy!:dude:


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## rkoenn (Dec 18, 2007)

bizzarobrian said:


> There`s a lot worse things a guy could be doing with money.Drinking,collecting porn,drugs,gambling, just to name a few.Winter is tough on everyone.Everyone should have a hobby.


I live in Florida!!!

Anyway, Nightsky, it sounds like things are working out between the two of you. But I don't feel you should give it up completely as at some point in the future you are going to blame her for it, if you don't have those feelings buried already in your psyche. A compromise should come into play where you just spend less time at it. But you two need to work that out yourselves. My wife doesn't really have any hobbies and I've tried to get her involved. It does cause her to be a bit bored at times so she ends up going out to pull weeds and such. Big problem is she gets laid off October 1 and will just segue into retirement so she is going to be awfully bored or pulling a lot of weeds! Actually she will probably start spending the money fixing up the house. But she doesn't mind my hobbies and frequently attends events with me such as Wonderfest. She's great overall and we've been together for 30 years now.

Bob K.


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## John P (Sep 1, 1999)

I'm sorry I somehow missed this thread when you first posted!

Best of luck in life, my friend!


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## Mitchellmania (Feb 14, 2002)

Having went through 2 bad marriages and divorces, I understand where you are coming from. My wives didn't approve of my hobby, and thought it was childish and a waste of time. It's part of who I am, always was. It helps me relax and forget about lives' problems. I wish you well, Nightsky, marriages are hard work, I haven't found the right person for me yet (if ever), but I have to great boys.


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## MonsterModelMan (Dec 20, 2000)

Good luck Night -Sky...I know what you mean but do what you feel you have to.

I'm sure your wife has things that she likes to do...mine is buy Mary Kay product...lots of it too. And she doesn't wear a lot of make-up either. And she has other vises (clothes shopping) that I don't get on her case about. And most of it...I pay for with my income.

I am in no position to tell you how to live your life. 

Good luck..stop in from time to time...and try to be happy!

MMM


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## bizzarobrian (Oct 4, 2009)

Mitchellmania said:


> Having went through 2 bad marriages and divorces, I understand where you are coming from. My wives didn't approve of my hobby, and thought it was childish and a waste of time. It's part of who I am, always was. It helps me relax and forget about lives' problems. I wish you well, Nightsky, marriages are hard work, I haven't found the right person for me yet (if ever), but I have to great boys.


Well said & both my wives said the same thing.Like I said earlier there are alot of worse things a guy could be doing.And at least we are at home doing what we enjoy & it`s harmless relaxation.


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## bizzarobrian (Oct 4, 2009)

mcdougall said:


> Agreed....Hmmmm lets see.... you work hard for a living and have a hobby that keeps you at home after work....I know many guys who after a hard day at work head straight to Hooters and then the Casino with all to show is a hangover and $150.00 DOWN THE TOILET (literally)
> Yeah I think your wife is making a mistake...
> Don't sell your kits...you WILL regret it down the road... But DO let her read these replies...
> Stick around man:thumbsup:
> Mcdee


You summed it up perfect McDee!


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## Y3a (Jan 18, 2001)

When I was getting ready to buy a new house (former fiance's idea) and put my model RR stuff up for sale(ditto) I decided to let a good friend hold onto the stuff(borrow?) instead of selling it. GOOD THING! After almost 3 years, I decided we were NOT gonna get married, and I had doubts about her in many ways.(Secret Financial disasters for one) She finally moverd out Sept '07. By September '08 My Model Railroads mainline was functional. I've been happier and less stressed since. 
If she can't accept you as you are she needs to go. You will NEVER BE HAPPY.


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## bert model maker (Feb 19, 2002)

Very well said Y. If you give away all your models and supplies, you WILL regret it and will have a slow rising resentment inside you that will come to a head soon enough. Our Hobby is stress relief and it keeps our creative minds sharp & focused. This is not a childish at all ! Just look at the lucky people who make their living doing this and make millions for motion pictures and TV. This takes great skill and teaches patients & disipline. If you get rid ( uuhhgg, it makes me shudder) of your things, you will have to start over. What is she willing to give up ?????? nothing i am almost sure ! your models are just a convienient excuse for her ! we will all stick by you Nightsky and we have your back !!!!
Bert
Model Maker


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## Zathros (Dec 21, 2000)

*Throughout my marraiges ( the ones that sucked, but of course later in them) I always said to anyone I "hooked up" with : "I come with a dog, 6,000 LPS, 78's and 45 rpm records, and a scale model hobby"* .*The records, and the fabulous dog, and the kits survived...those wives that didnt like it , didnt...hard as they tried , they couldnt "mold" me into whom they wanted, and that should not have been an issue in the first place..anyone "in love" should take thier mate as they are..if that is an issue, then they should not have been with them in the first place..

Z
*


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## sprayray (May 13, 2009)

Z you hit the nail on the head! My ex- fiancee wanted me to sell my collection so we can pay for our wedding i said no i spent many years collecting we can save up for it , well things got worse Thank God she is gone she drove me nuts ! But true if that can't accept our Hobby which is our get away then off you go my dear on the horse you rode on. 


Robert.


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## Todd P. (Apr 12, 2007)

I don't know "Nightsky" but I did read the word "obsession" in his original post. "Hobbies" are fun things we do in our spare time. They help us relax and give us a creative outlet. "Obsessions" can be fun, but they're not healthy. Did he say anything about his wife insisting he quit his hobby? Maybe I missed it. Seems to me she was letting her husband do his thing while she did hers and an unhealthy situation had developed. Her being a human being and all, she's well within her rights to expect her share of her husband's attention.

Nightsky, I applaud you for recognizing that a marriage is 10 million times more important than a hobby. I hope your willingness to work so hard for it pays off hugely for both of you. And, if sometime down the road you feel ready to build models again, there will still be plenty available.


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## Zathros (Dec 21, 2000)

Todd P. said:


> I don't know "Nightsky" but I did read the word "obsession" in his original post. "Hobbies" are fun things we do in our spare time. They help us relax and give us a creative outlet. "Obsessions" can be fun, but they're not healthy. Did he say anything about his wife insisting he quit his hobby? Maybe I missed it. Seems to me she was letting her husband do his thing while she did hers and an unhealthy situation had developed. Her being a human being and all, she's well within her rights to expect her share of her husband's attention.
> 
> Nightsky, I applaud you for recognizing that a marriage is 10 million times more important than a hobby. I hope your willingness to work so hard for it pays off hugely for both of you. And, if sometime down the road you feel ready to build models again, there will still be plenty available.



*If I recall correctly, I specifically said that any hobby should be kept in perspective, or words to that effect..if it becomes an "obsession*" *of course its not a good thing for any relationship*..

*That said, its also important for any mate to understand as I also said before, that when two are dating, that any mates hobbies or pastimes are part of them, and that is something that should not be attempted to be taken away from them*, *as long as it does not consume all of their spare time...and if it does, then what was the point of having or wanting a mate in the first place??

in reality...people mean more than any things...and a piece of injection molded plastic is not capable of love or companionship...

However...if a hobby is enjoyed in tandem with a relationship..there should be no issue from either partner.and then it comes down to how much is "her share" of her husbands attention?? many wives want an unfair amount of that "share" even though when they dated thier prospective husbands, they knew this was something they had to live with, if they wanted him in thier lives...did they really think that he would abandon his hobby completely once they were married???in short, they had to know what they were getting into....

one ex came into my workroom, when I was working on one of my kits...she said to me "why dont you make me your hobby instead of this junk"?? I replied...I did better than that..I made you part of my life, and besides.. if I did that, you'd complain alot more than you do now..I only work on my hobby a few hours a day on the weekends..I'm with you practically 7 days a week"...she looked at me...and grumbled "point taken"...and left the room..

I divorced her 10 years later...one of the better choices I made, as I then reconciled with my first wife, that totally respected my hobby and admired everything I built, up to the day she died..and thats one of the reasons I loved her even more, and spent lots of quality time with her...she loved me for all the facets of what I was...not for what she would try to make me..or try to extort me to change about myself...in my humble opinion, any wife that would threaten divorce
over a hobby ( thats not obsessive of course) is not one I would want to keep..I call that emotional blackmail.


Z


*


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## Mitchellmania (Feb 14, 2002)

sprayray said:


> Z you hit the nail on the head! My ex- fiancee wanted me to sell my collection so we can pay for our wedding i said no i spent many years collecting we can save up for it , well things got worse Thank God she is gone she drove me nuts ! But true if that can't accept our Hobby which is our get away then off you go my dear on the horse you rode on.
> 
> 
> Robert.


I sold almost all of me and my son's Bandai Godzilla collection to pay for our wedding -WHAT A MISTAKE!!!!
She had a big Precious Moments collection she would never part with, so you see how one sided that is!


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## Jimmy B (Apr 19, 2000)

My wife would NEVER leave me for someone else because of my hobby.

I'm not that lucky


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## SJF (Dec 3, 1999)

Jimmy B said:


> My wife would NEVER leave me for someone else because of my hobby.
> 
> I'm not that lucky


 
LOL! 

Night-Sky, I wish you all the best in this situation. There will always be model kits to build should you decide to start building again. Good luck to you and your wife and hope everything works out. 

Sean


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## The-Nightsky (May 10, 2005)

LOL you guys are great.The decision is mine alone, no one laid down the law to me.Todd P you sir win the prize, Obsession is correct. Spending more time on mr Spock and not on my daughters homework..Not to mention not spending time with my Partner,,, No, this one I'll fight for.I haven't and wont completely abandon this wonderful hobby I just have to remember that my family is more important.I'll say this...I will stop by from time to time..y'all are great! So long and thanks for all the fish.TTFN-Nightsky out.


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